Whole

Thankfully a day off.... I mean a whole day off.... nothing to do but sit around and think..... so I thunk and I thunk, and here is the kink......

Struggled through the four hours at the pub last evening and even managed to get through a little bit of work..... a bit of tidying here, a bit of cleaning there, spreading my germs almost everywhere.

I even stayed behind after work for a couple of pints of Guinness..... a drink I used to consume in rather startlingly large quantity before I discovered the joy of real ale.  They say Guinness is good for you, and while I did sleep rather soundly for the first part of last night. I did have to retrieve Dawn from the sofa in the lounge at about four o' clock to apologise for what must have been unbearable snoring.....  I spent the rest of the night on the sofa and went back to bed when Dawn got up...... complicated stuff.

I'd like to think that the copious quantity of snot pouring out of me is a sign that I've broken the back of this particular bug!!

I've just been up the road to the postbox to post a rather pleasant birthday card (a delightful little scene of Berwick) to my Aunty and I noticed some rather wonderful things along the way.....

Firstly, I am always amazed at how active your brain can be......  it just never shuts up!!

Did I lock the door?  I'm sure I did!

BT Openreach van..... you can bet he's not making my broadband go faster can't you!!

A funny looking metal disc on the pavement.... looks like a bit of a petrol cap?

The small piece of land for sale/rent - must look it up.

No chickens in Peter's field this morning..... and I never noticed the gateway that's been bricked up in Peter's garden wall before..... and his wall looks a bit lopsided, might need looking at.

Logs.....  a massive stack of logs at a house that's been built but never quite finished..... been going on for a couple of years now..... we could use them logs at the pub.

Jet black elderberries.   Must be nearly Autumn.

Gravestones..... and some tiger lillies growing around them......

Garish gold painted stone lions.....

Post collection 4:45pm but 11:30am on Saturdays.... typically useless to me.

I cough up some phlegm and head back down the road.

Ruby red rosehips.  Autumn's not far off.

 

Ah, there are Peter's chickens.... I cluck at one plucky soul which has made its way right up to the wall at the side of the garden..... and I wonder how you could turn Peter's field into a little fishing pond..... how would you stop it leaking?  surely you don't just dig a big hole?  What kind of features would I put in if I were making my own fishing pond?

I kick the weird metal disc and it scoots off, rolling down the road.... it seems to be some sort of rubbery metal disc thing and I have no idea what it is..... it veers slightly to the right and rolls round the back of the BT van.

Crab apples.  Must be Autumn.... wonder how 'Udders Orchard's apple pick went?

As I pass the BT van I realise I've forgotten to take notice of the piece of land I wanted to look at.....  I turn back round to look and notice the estate agent's name and think to look it up when I get home.  I also notice the BT van is wide open and looks stuffed full of equipment in little drawers...... at that point the BT man appears in front of me, as I'm looking backwards into his van...... he probably thinks I was thinking about pinching his gear......  

A tiny, adorable ginger and white kitten standing in the lounge window of a cottage I passed, looking out, probably wondering where all the balls of wool have gone.  The cottage, once owned by a driving instructor and his wife..... we refer to them as "Aspire" and "Tilpey" based on their cars and registrations.... I think they split up and moved out so the kitten must belong to the new owner(s) - can't remember if it's rented or sold.  Remember to tell Dawn about the kitten.

I squash some greenfly on my rose bush.

It's not far to our postbox!

driftwood shelter at Cheswick

Nothing

Lungs like toast.

Tight cough with a sore throat.

Head, on the verge of exploding through unprecedented internal sinus pressure.

Still, we men don't like to complain about our illnesses.... we just quietly go about our daily lives and continue to fulfil our roles in society as best we can.

And so it comes to be, that despite all common sense, I'm heading down to the pub for a short, sharp four hour stint at the coalface of refreshment provision.

I dare say that nobody will even notice I'm ill nor ask me how I am feeling, so well do I cope with such adversity.

What a trooper I am!

Harebell amongst the sand dunes

Groans

I've got a tickly throat... in fact I've had this annoying, steadily increasingly annoying, tickly throat for a week now and it's JUST starting to get the better of me..... Strepsils and Beechams Powders at the ready.

(hot toddy made with rum and I'm off to bed)

I've just been reminded of a story.... reminded by my own inability to spot a joke when it slaps me across my dumbfounded face.

Well, as a kid, I was a real gag machine.... a veritable joke magnet.  I was always buying, digesting and regurgitating joke books.  I had a good memory for jokes and I'm sorry to say that my ability to spin a yarn or remember any funny jokes really has deserted me as I get older.

A few that I do remember are the silly childish ones like.....

Shall I tell you the joke about the pack of butter?  Oh no, you'll only spread it.

Want to hear the joke about the wheelie bin?  Oh no, it's rubbish.

Shall I tell you the joke about the broken pencil?  Oh no, there's no point.

you get the idea, right?

Well, there was a kid at our school, and to protect his identity, I'll just refer to him as "Ian"..... he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and as kids do, we royally took the piss.

Well Ian always liked to hear a joke.... and it was a fair certainty that he'd laugh at any joke you told him, whether he understood it, or got it, or not.

In order to test this particular theory... someone, and I forget who, came up with a nonsensical joke to tell to Ian and see if he laughed.......

I can confirm that Ian did indeed laugh, and the joke was not in the least bit funny......  Sadly, I still remember the nonsense joke, and it does make me laugh.....

A boy walks into a baker's shop and asks "Have you got a blue loaf please?"  The baker replies "I'm sorry we've only got green loaves left" and the boy says "It's ok I've got my bike outside".

HAHAHAHA who's laughing now Mr. Haigh.... oops!

What

What a difference a day (or two) makes.

In true British style, I'm about to start some gentle weather discourse.

At the weekend it were boiling..... and now..... it's feeling like deep, dark autumn.

A ten degree temperature drop and some rather chilly winds have meant that my shorts and sunglasses are making way for socks and woolly hat.

It's decidedly cooler, and though there are promises that it'll pick up again by the weekend.... I'm not convinced.

I DID have fun at the weekend discussing the fact that it was "too hot" and bemoaning the scorching weather - in a very tongue-in-cheek manner with the overheated punters at the pub.  I knew that all too soon we'd be able to have a further conversation about the lack of summer and the bad weather we always have.... that's the advantage of working with drunk people.

So, I've tried to be a good boy.  I've tried to get back to my blog on several occasions, each time to be thwarted by such events as computers that refuse to work or a stomach that needs to be filled.

Just now, as an example, I received an email that wasn't really intended for me.... I had to forward it to someone else, and in order to do that I had to log in to a different mail account, find some mail with that person's email address , copy and paste between one email client and another, forward the mail..... it all takes time and provides endless opportunity for being sidetracked..... I rest my case, and I rest my feet on my case while I get my book out.

Point in question - one minute I'm typing my blog.... the next minute I'm reading and commenting on another blog..... then I hear the front door opening and I'm making a cup of tea for my mum..... time passes.... and passes......

And so, it comes to be that at some point I was hoping to post a few more pictures from THIS last trip to the borders area of Northumberland..... and of course, I end up posting pictures of fish and a previous trip to Northumberland....  it's more complicated than it needs to be.

In honour of a recent competitor on "Celebrity" Big Brother, I've made my very own internet based "wishlist" and you're all free to pick off as many items as you wish to send to me in exchange for, well, how about some gratuitously bad holiday snaps?

Here's my wishlist, and remember it's my birthday on the 24th September!!

Success

I caught a good fish!

Down at Riley's Pond on Friday last week, I caught a rather splendid seven and a half pound common carp, which is only about a half a pound short of the pond record.... and I have to say, it was an exciting time for me and the chap in this picture who held the fish for me......  he was as thrilled with this perfect specimen as I was!!

As a rule, during match days, any fish that weighs OVER five pounds is removed from this pond and placed into the bigger pond, so a fish of this size and in such good condition, seemingly never caught before, is VERY rare!

Suffice to say, as soon as this fish had gone back into the water, I packed up my gear and went home..... there wasn't going to be a better way to finish the day.